There comes a time when you feel like you’ve been given up on. Dealing with anxiety to level I am, can be very lonely (but I have a whole separate post on that). You miss people and living your life.
For the most part, when I first started down this journey, life went on as usual. Of course, not a lot of people knew what I was struggling with, so why wouldn’t it. The mailbox was still stuffed with oodles and oodles of invites for weddings, birthday parties (both young and old), graduations, baby/bridal showers…you get the point.
I would RSVP as needed for my hubs and daughter. They would decide on going or opting out, and I would RSVP accordingly. It didn’t have a lot to do with me (aside from the fact that my hubs hates attending these things without me).
Then, as time went on, more friends and family became aware of our situation. The invitations started to dwindle. Some people did not want to upset me by inviting me to things I would not be able to attend. Maybe they thought the invitation would send me into a depression? Not sure. I can’t speak as to their thoughts, only what they have relayed to me. And others were frustrated by my constant RSVP of “sorry, not this time”, and thus decided to just leave me out all together. And why not, they already knew what I was going to say, right?
And now, two years into this battle, and the invitations don’t come anymore. I hear of events through family and friends or social media. And man, sometimes it really hurts. Just being honest here.
And no, I am not looking for ya’ll to go out and send me invitations now to all your shindigs. I am just documenting this process.🙂
Here’s the thing I want you to know: Yes, there is a 99% chance I am going to decline your invite. And for that, I am truly sorry! The things I have missed over the last two years leave me pained. I want to be apart of your life. I want to celebrate with you. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you.
But every single invite I receive gets my full attention. I hold it in my hands. I look it over. I study the date and match it to the calendar. I look at the time of day and how long. I look at where this event is going to be held. I try and figure how many people (and who) will be in attendance. And I ask myself, “Is this the one?” Is this the event I am finally able to go to? Is it far enough out? Do I think I will be better by then? Is that a location I think I can handle? Is this a group of people that will be understanding if I have to leave early?
Seriously…everything gets that much attention, if not more. So please, don’t give up on me yet!❤